Enough
by unconditionalLOVEx3
Summary: How much of Bella's depression and unwillingness to move on can Jacob take? Will she be too late? Rated M just in case i decide to throw something in there in the future. Will have many chapters.
1. Chapter 1: It's Been A Long Time

It was times like these that I felt most at peace. I felt genuinely happy and carefree. It was a rarely sunny day in Forks, the first one in months. I was currently lying down on the sand with Jacob's head resting on my stomach. His eyes were closed as I ran my fingers through his unbelievably perfect silky hair. I knew he secretly loved when I did this; yet again he loved any type of physical contact with me. He would always find excuses to hold my hand for just two seconds longer or brush his hand across my cheek. Of course I didn't mind, I actually craved Jacob's touch. I needed constant physical reminders that he was actually there and that he wouldn't suddenly disappear as Edward had.

Thanks to Jacob it no longer pained me to say Edward's name. Sometimes I would repeat his name in my head a billion times to see how many times it would take until I self destructed. I never did. I could even listen to music now, one year and four months later. I knew I owed it all to Jacob. But how exactly do you pay someone back for saving your life and reviving your heart? Jake constantly told me that all he wanted was me but I couldn't continue my pattern of selfishness and be with him. Jake deserved to be with someone complete, a beautiful girl who could offer all of her heart to him and make him happy. How could I ever make him happy by putting him in constant danger and having him always worry about saying the wrong thing that could cause me to snap and bring me back into my previous unhealthy depression.

I felt Jake take his head off of my stomach and saw him propped up on one of his elbows. He placed his other hand on my waist. I could feel his burning touch where my shirt had ridden up a little bit.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, smiling.

"Just about… how happy you make me… and how I owe you my life" his smile grew even wider. I've seen some pretty crazy things but the power of his smile still stunned me every time. I had to smile back.

Jake looked thoughtful for a moment. "I could make you even happier you know." He whispered. I already knew where he wanted to take the conversation then -- A place I didn't want to go yet, especially not today. I knew one day he would get sick of picking up the pieces and his persistence would eventually wear off. I'd been trying to avoid that conversation for months. So, I gave him the look that said 'please don't go there' and prayed that he'd listen.

Jake sighed and sat up. "Do you wanna go in the water now?" he asked cheerfully, pretending the last five seconds didn't just happen.

"It's still too colddd." I whined, putting my arm over my eyes.

"Yea well you didn't mind being all close to a vampire with a temperature of negative one in the middle of the winter." A year ago that would've made me lock myself in a room for 3 weeks. Now, I just took my arm off my face and glared at him. He laughed and kissed me on the cheek. "Just kiddiiing" he said giving me the most innocent face he could.

"Riight."

"No, seriously, come. You know you won't be cold as long as you stay close."

"Wouldn't you just love that?"

"Yes, actually I would." He said laughing; I rolled my eyes and stood up. I could see him watching me from the corner of my eye as I took off my white shirt and jean shorts. I awkwardly stood there in my red bikini I had brought from Phoenix. I never thought I'd actually need a bathing suit in Forks but I brought it just in case. Jake looked at me seductively from head to toe. I was still amazed at the fact that he found me attractive at all, seeing as to how he was practically a god.

Jake grabbed my hand as usual and started walking toward the waves. I already felt the cool breeze coming from the ocean and immediately got goose bumps. Jake must have noticed because he let go of my hand and put his arm over my shoulders. I was instantly warmed. When my feet touched the water, I screamed like a 5 year old. I wasn't expecting it to be that cold.

"Come on Bells, it's easier to go in all at once. Soon, you won't even feel it."

"Um, No. I don't think..Ah!" before I could finish my sentence Jake lifted me and started running in the water. I tried holding on to him for dear life. "Jakeee! Wait! Stop!" All I could hear over my screams was Jake's booming laughter. Jacob jumped underwater and I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. When he came back to the surface he was laughing hysterically.

"It's not funny Jake!" he started to try to hold back his laughter and was able to after a minute or two. I tried to get off of him but jumped back up into his arms once I realized I couldn't touch the floor with my feet. It was then I realized how far we were from the shore. He probably did it on purpose, he knew I couldn't swim for long and would have to hold on to him eventually since he could still reach the floor.

"You just love to torture me don't you?" I asked.

"Why not? You torture me. Especially now, wearing this" He pulled at the string on the back of my bikini top and let it snap back into place.

"So what? You walk around half naked all the time. "

" No, trust me, I'm not complaining. And last time I checked you didn't seem bothered by lack of a shirt. I don't know what gave it away. Maybe the drool coming out of the side of your mouth or how you're not able to form a complete sentence or… "

I smacked his chest playfully. "I do not do that!"

"Yea right Bells. You know you don't have to torture yourself. I have gladly offered many times."

"Shut up Jake!" We laughed together like we have so many times. If only he knew how badly I wanted to take him up on that offer. There were so many times that I yearned to feel his lips on mine. I could only imagine their warmth and softness. There were so many times that I yearned to touch him everywhere and claim him as mine. But I just couldn't do it. Jake's happiness was my priority and doing that would only bring him inevitable pain.

We stayed in the water until my hands were pruny, laughing and talking as usual. I kept my arms around his neck and legs around his waist the whole time and he was not complaining. When we got back to the shore I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself. I didn't remember how cold it was since I was so close to Jake in the water the entire time. I sat down on the sand and I suppose Jake noticed my shivering because he sat next to me and wrapped his arm around me. I instinctively and very willingly leaned into him. He was already nearly dry. He looked down at me and smiled my smile, then I felt his soft, warm lips on my cheek. I wondered how they would feel on my lips or on other parts of my body. Ugh! Why did I keep having these thoughts? Then, I don't know what made me do it, maybe curiosity or how I felt complete and happy whenever he was next to me but as his lips were about o leave my cheek I turned my head, leaned up, and kissed him. He was kissing me back in less than a split second. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. His lips fit perfectly with mine. He placed one hand on the small of my back and the other behind my head. I locked both of my arms around his neck. His lips felt even better than I imagined. It wasn't awkward like I expected it to be, it felt completely natural, like this is where I was supposed to be. I felt his tongue tracing my bottom lip and quickly parted my lips to grant it entrance. I was overcome with anticipation and shivered involuntarily even thought I felt like 1000 degrees. Our tongues circled and danced around with each other. I fisted his hair in my hands. I had never kissed any one like this before. With that kiss, Jake showed me everything he had been trying to for the last year and four months. I felt all the love he had for me and I think he could feel how much I loved him back. I hoped he knew how much I appreciated him. Jake leaned us back until I was laying on the sand with him half on top of me. I was suddenly very aware that my towel was no longer around me because I let it go when I put my arms around his neck. But I didn't care I wanted to be as close to Jake as possible.

Our mouths never disconnected. I felt his hands running up and down my sides lightly but surely giving me goose bumps. I wanted to stay like this forever. Maybe I would. Maybe I could give myself to Jake completely and we could stay here like this until tomorrow morning and then do it again every single day. I knew Jake would happily comply. But I couldn't. I would not allow myself to get hurt again. I loved Jake too much to be with him. I didn't deserve him. What if he realized that when were already engaged or when we were married with two kids? Or worse, what if he imprinted on some one? My thoughts brought me down from my high and Jake felt me freeze because he lifted his mouth from mine and looked at me with a confused expression.

"What happened? Did I do something wrong?" he asked. I felt tears start to form in my eyes thinking about how I was about to hurt him again.

"No. Of course not." You could hear the tears in my voice. I saw realization come across Jacob's face. He knew what I was going to say. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.

" Bella please, don't do this"

I just sat up, picked up my towel and started to gather my things to go. Jacob was sitting on the sand just staring at me.

"I'm so sorry Jake." I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. "I have to go, that can't ever happen again."

When I took my first step, I felt a hot hand wrap around my wrist. Jacob spun my around,

"Why not? You're the one who kissed me, you know? I know you didn't do it for no reason."

" I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Can you please just let me go? We'll talk about it another day."

"No ! We're gonna talk about it right now. You've been putting this conversation off for months! Bella you know I love you more than anything and I know you love me back, I could tell by the way you were kissing me just two minutes ago, and how you touch me and look at me. I don't understand why you can't just give me a chance. I've been waiting for you for more than a year. I don't know what else you need me to do. I've been picking up the pieces Edward left behind and you still can't even spare a fraction of your heart for me. I've given you everything I have, it's not fair Bella. I'm not asking you for much. All I want is a chance"

"Believe me Jake, I am so grateful for everything you have done for me. Who knows where I would be now if it were not for you. And I do love you, much more than I love myself or anyone else. And I'm so sorry that I keep hurting you and if you feel like I'm just teasing you, I honestly don't know why I did it."

"You did it because you love me too. And Not just like a brother or your mom. I don't understand what's stopping you. You know I would never hurt you or leave you. That's what I've been trying to prove to you this whole time. Have I failed?"

"No Jake, I just think it's better this way.. as friends. " I felt his hand trembling and it killed me when I saw tears starting to form in his eyes. I had to go to before I gave in to his wishes and started another unhealthy relationship. I just wasn't ready. No matter how much I loved him.

"That's bullshit Bella! There was nothing friendly about how you just kissed me."

"Jake, please, just let me go. We can never be together." There was an awkward pause, I felt his hand tighten around my wrist.

"Fine." He said as he dropped my wrist. I turned around and started towards my truck. When I had only taken two steps I heard him say "Can I just ask you one question?"

"Ok." I said without turning around.

"If Edward were to come back today…would you go back to him?"

I turned around and saw him looking at the ground with his hands at his sides. He looked totally defeated and miserable and I was the cause of it as usual. How could I take the light away from the sun?

"I don't know Jake. He's not coming back so.." he looked up at me as if I had just betrayed him in the biggest way. It was the truth I didn't know if I would and there was no way to find out. Right now, I would like to say I wouldn't but if he was standing right in front of me right now and Jake was not present, who knew? Edward would always have a place in my heart no matter how much he hurt me. It's always like that with your first love. But, he was my _first_ love, that didn't mean he had to be my only love.

"Thank You." He said in a small, low voice.

As I was half way home on the road to Forks I had to park on the side of the road because my tears were making it impossible to see the road. An accident right now is the last thing I needed. I couldn't stand any more pain. But who was I to complain? I'm the one who caused it.


	2. Chapter 2: Strictly Friendly

_**Let me just clear something up. The time is getting kind of mixed up so for my story's sake lets say that its November of Bella's senior year. She's eigtheeen and jake is seventeen but he's also a senior and his brithday is in December. **_

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Two days.

It's been two days since I spoke to Jacob. I don't know what I could say to him. I know he doesn't want to hear any more of my apologies. And I was running out of lies to use as reasons why I couldn't be with him. I mean, what was I supposed to say? "I'm sorry Jake I can't be with you because you're too perfect for me and I'm scared to start acting like a clingy psycho."!? I don't think so. Yet, here I was moping on my bed staring at my cell, acting much like a clingy psycho. And it's crazy how I had no problem being with Edward the epitome of beauty, at least what I thought was the epitome of beauty before Jacob. But Jacob wasn't just beautiful on the outside; he also had the most amazing heart. I mean, Edward was pretty nice I guess but he didn't stand out to me anymore like Jacob did. I buried my head in my pillow. Then I felt my phone start vibrating by my leg.

"Hello" I said, my voice kind of muffled by the pillow.

"I'm sorry, were you sleeping… At 7?" I couldn't help the smile that crept over my voice. I felt relieved to hear that husky familiar voice. I quickly sat up.

"No! No... I was just…"

"Riiight. Look Bells, I'm calling cause I don't want things to be weird between us. I already told you how I felt, you said you just want to be friends and that you made a mistake and I'm gonna respect that. I promise not to push you anymore. Everything will be strictly friendly from now on. I just don't want to lose you. We'll just forget it ever happened ok?"

I don't know why but that stung a little. That is what I wanted right?

"Um... Okay. Thank you Jake. I really don't want to lose you either. Ever. I hope this doesn't change anything between us."

"Uh huhhh.. So, listen, are you still coming to the bon fire tomorrow night?" I had completely forgotten. Tomorrow the pack was having a bon fire in celebration of Paul's birthday. Not that anyone really liked him but he was still part of the pack. And I had grown kind of fond of his asshole behavior; I found it pretty amusing actually. This was supposed to be a pretty big party. Paul did have quite a few equally overconfident friends.

"Yeah. Definitely. I'll be there."

"Great. Do you need me to pick you up or are you gonna drive?" Aww. Always so courteous.

"It depends how much do you plan on drinking?"

"Uhh... yeah never mind." We both laughed. Yeah, never mind to the whole courteous thing too.

"Okay I'll be there around... 8?"

"Sounds good. See you then"

"See you then."

"Bye."

"Ok bye."

There was a two second pause.

"Okay Bella, I know you are not pulling a "you hang up first" on me. I giggled for longer than necessary, partially because yes, I didn't want to hang up yet. Maybe he was on to me.

"Maybe..." I heard him laugh his heartwarming laugh. "No, no just kidding. BYE!" I hung up even though I didn't want to. I was glad everything would be back to normal between me and Jake.

The next day I was looking through my closet frantically for something to wear. I don't usually do this but I felt the need to today. Everything I tried on just felt wrong. I settled on dark skinny jeans and a white V-neck sweater with my gray mid-calf boots. I should have probably taken a jacket but I knew I wouldn't be cold with Jake next to me.

I couldn't help but feel nervous when I arrived. As soon as I parked my car in Emily's driveway, I saw Jake walking down her porch steps. I was seeing him wear a shirt for the first time in months, not that I was complaining. He was wearing a black t-shirt and dark jeans, looking even sexier than usual – Again, not complaining about how he looks with the shirt off. When I got out of the car and approached him he gave a shy smile and extended his hands towards me as if he were going to shake it. WHAT!? Never in my life had Jake greeted me with anything less than a bone-crushing, completely suffocating hug. I stood there with my mouth slightly open giving him a questioning look. We stood there for about five awkward seconds until he burst out laughing and picked me up into our usual hug, I embraced him back with equal enthusiasm.

"Just messing with you Bells. You should've seen your face though." he said as he placed me back on the ground.

"You're such as asshole." I nudged him in the arm, only managing to make my hand sting for a few seconds.

As we walked to the backyard I felt slightly disappointed that he wasn't holding my hand as usual. The beach behind Emily's house was full of people, most of them I had never seen before. I felt slightly uncomfortable as everyone turned around to look at me. I was quickly greeted by the pack each one of them cutting off my breath with their hugs. Except for Sam, that would just be odd. I went to sit close to the fire by the girls.

"Damn Bella. You look hot" said Kim. I blushed instantly.

"I know right? Cleavage!?" Leah said a little too loudly.

"Shut up guys!" I said as we all giggled.

We sat and caught up, laughing at everything as usual. Soon, Sam came and put his arm around Emily and gazed at her lovingly. They were sickeningly adorable. Jared came and put his arm around Kim's waist. Leah's boyfriend Cameron came and sat by her. I suddenly felt awkwardly intrusive as they broke off into their separate conversations. Jake was usually there to rescue me from these situations but as I looked around I realized he was nowhere in sight. Embry was standing by the long food table whispering in some girl's ear while she giggled exaggeratedly and batted her eyelashes. Typical. Embry noticed me looking at him and winked at me pointing at the girl behind her back as he continued to whisper. I laughed and gave him a thumbs up and he smiled in return. Seth was sitting by the fire talking to a couple of boys I didn't recognize. Quil was standing somewhere off to the side in a similar position as Embry. I don't know how girls didn't notice that they used the same exact game that was totally uncharming and lame. But I suppose things like that don't matter when you looked like these boys did. I figured Jake was somewhere shoveling food down his throat as usual. It was starting to get pretty chilly even though I was wearing a reasonably thick sweater.

When I couldn't stand the awkwardness anymore I went to grab a drink. Might as well. I poured some fruit punch and a drop of vodka in a cup. Alcohol usually got to me very quickly, probably cause I weigh like 100 pounds and I was nottt trying to get wasted in front of all these random people and the pack. Surely I would give them enough jokes for the next two years.

I leaned against the table and observed the party since I had nothing better to do. There were small groups of people scattered all over the place drinking, laughing and dancing. I noticed a total of three couples making out just a few feet away from me. Great. I looked around the fire and noticed that Quil and Embry were now sitting by the girls and the rest of the pack. The couples were no longer wrapped up in their embraces so I thought it was safe to go back now. I sat in between Quil and Embry.

"Heyyy. Where'd you go?" asked Leah. I raised my cup as an answer. The boys hollered in response. I rolled my eyes. I looked across the fire and was dumbfounded. There was Jake sitting against a rock with a girl I didn't recognize seated very close to him. She was beautiful. Her skin was just a little lighter than Jake's. She had long, pin straight black hair. Her face looked just as flawless as her body. She had her hand on Jacob's thigh and was giggling at something he had just said. I felt sick. She was very obviously flirting with him and he was just eating it all up. So that's where he was all night.

"That's Vanessa." whispered Embry, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"What? Who? "

"Please Bella, you've been staring for the past five minutes." Of course I blushed at this moment.

"I know you want to know so that's Vanessa, she's been throwing herself at him for the past like, 4 years. He never pays any attention to her no matter how many times I tell him to. Dumbass." The fact that he never paid attention to her made me feel better but it did not look like he was ignoring her at all right now. I faked a small smile and

"Oh, cool." was my lame response.

"Hey I'll be right back. I need a refill" I lied. I needed to get away to a spot where I wouldn't have to torture myself watching Jacob.

Embry glanced down at my obviously full cup but said nothing of it as I walked away towards the drink table, really just needing a break from the nauseating feeling of watching Jacob with another girl. Ugh. I was such a drama queen. He wasn't even doing anything. It's not like I owned him. This is what I said I wanted. How selfish was I, really? Besides, he wasn't even interested like Em said… not likely, but I comforted myself with the thought for the moment.

When I felt composed enough, I walked back over and sat next to Embry again.

"Drinking heavy tonight I see." He said as I sat down. Of course he had to mention my previous lie about needing more alcohol.

"Shut up asshole."

He just laughed as usual and I pushed him. He probably saw that I just stood by the table in a deep conversation with myself. I kept my eyes focused on anything to avoid looking across the fire. I looked at the pack, the beautiful stars floating above me in the night sky, the La Push waves splashing violently, the bracelet dangling on my hand that Jacob had given me for my eighteenth birthday last month but, for a fraction of a second I took a chance and looked across the fire but Jacob wasn't there. I searched the whole bon fire with my eyes and he was nowhere in sight. Neither was Vanessa. Ughh. I blocked my mind from thinking about what they were possibly doing or where they possibly were. Jake, possibly intoxicated and in need of love and comfort with an all too willing girl that was my complete opposite. Awesome.

I engaged in casual conversation with the pack and the girls. Exactly 23 minutes had passed and Jake still had not returned. It was already very late and the party was not as full of people as before. I knew I had to go home before Charlie freaked out.

"Well guys, I think I'm gonna head home, it's pretty late." I heard a couple of comments of protest.

"Well if you guys ever want to see me again, I should. You know how Charlie is."

As I was standing up I saw none other than Jacob walking back towards us with one hand in his pocket. He looked lighter, happier. The pack started making a whole bunch of suggestive comments about him and Vanessa.

"Damn Jake it's about time you paid some attention to that girl. She's hot man" said Paul, of course.

Jake just rolled his eyes. I felt soo awkward.

"Umm… so yeah, bye guys" I gave small forced smile and wave.

"You're leaving already?" asked Jake. Already? Like he hadn't completely ignored me for the past like, 5 hours.

"Jake, its two a.m."

"Oh wow. Really?" of course he wouldn't notice, he was too busy doing other things.

I nodded.

"Well, I'll walk you to your car then."

"Okay"

We started off in the direction of my car.

"Are you sure you're good too drive? You didn't have too much to drink did you?"

"No. I'm good."

There were about ten seconds of awkward silence.

"Soo.. You and Vanessa huh?" A small smile crept on his lips.

"Well I wouldn't exactly call it a me and Vanessa but, she's a nice girl. Wouldn't it just make me a hypocrite if I didn't give her a chance?" he was referring to the fact that I wouldn't. It stung a little but I deserved that.

I think It was evident on my face because he quickly apologized,

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. We promised to forget about it, right?"

"Right. Yeah, it's okay"

By that time we had already gotten to my car. I hopped in my black 2006 Nissan Xterra and Jake closed the door for me. He leaned with his arms on the open window,

"So I'll see you sometime this week?"

"Uh.. Yeah, I suppose." I tried not to stare at his lips that looked awfully inviting, especially so close to me, and silently cursed myself.

"Bye. Be safe, and text me as soon as you get home."

"Okay Jake.

"If I don't get a text in half an hour, I'm running to look for you." I rolled my eyes,

"Alright Jake." He turned around to go but quickly turned back.

"But don't speed."

"Okayyy Jakeee. I got it. Don't worry. As soon as I step in my door, I promise." He smiled, revealing his blindingly white and perfect teeth and successfully making my heart melt.

"Ok good." he said and then walked back into Sam's house.

On the dark road back to Forks I thought about how happy and carefree Jacob looked with Vanessa. They looked perfect together. He said she was a nice girl and didn't deny any of the comments the pack was making. This is what I wanted. Vanessa wouldn't bring Jake any problems or any angry vampires. She wouldn't make him feel like he'd always be second best because of a love of the far past that she refused to let go of. I would get over the desire I had for Jake and I would get used to the idea of seeing them together. I just hoped he wouldn't ignore me all the time like he had tonight. I hoped we could still maintain our friendship, which was the sole purpose of me not giving in to my feelings for him.

When I got into my room I texted Jake as I promised.

_Im alive_

Charlie was already asleep. I could hear his snoring faintly. I put on my pajamas and turned on my iHome to listen to music while I slept as usual. It made me feel less lonely. I was still used to having Edward there while I slept. This helped me fill the little of the void that was still left. It was only small things like this that bothered me now. My phone vibrated.

_Lol. You better be._

I smiled.

_Goodnight Jake._

_Goodnight Bells._

It made me frown a little that he did not end our usual goodnight text messages with any 'I love you' as always. I guess I better get used to it. Strictly Friendly.

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_**Thank You for reading! Please review and tell me what you think! =] 3.**_


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